You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
