this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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