i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
