The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
