i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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