pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
