just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
