I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize