I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
