They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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