apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
