well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
