I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
