She is in my trunk
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
True strength comes from lack of pants
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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