his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My vagina just recognized that song.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
