Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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