i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
