Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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