i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
