Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
