u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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