I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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