Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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