I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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