you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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