She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
