other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
40s are totally the cure
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
