She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
