saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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