I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
