She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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