I just saw a hot homeless man
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
