She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
