we're blogging at a bar
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he was CRYING into my vagina
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
