they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
