you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
MIDGETS
????
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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