Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
