I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
