I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
