Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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