I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
