Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
