my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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