The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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