Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
