Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
