i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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