Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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