So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
