opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
