Pappa wants mamma naked
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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