I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
