I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
