even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
