I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
