Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
