Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i drank out of a bidet.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
