At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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