Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
