what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
