Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
