I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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