You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
