I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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