Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
